Thursday, December 3, 2009

Shit. lots of it.

I was going to write a long post talking about all the reasons I'm depressed but here is what it comes down to: I am so fucking tired of being depressed for the past four and a half years, but just being tired of feeling this way isn't going to change it. And I just keep on digging myself deeper and doing stupid things that make everything worse. And I feel good when I'm out with friends but then everything just sucks and sucks and sucks and keeps sucking. And my dad asks my sister 'why are you so depressed' when she's just really tired and gets mad at me for being 'pissy.' They wonder why I don't open up to them about things, but that's because my dad either dismisses everything as me being a bitch or as just funny and my mom just gets mad about every little thing. He joked about anorexia yesterday. What kind of doctor makes jokes about anorexia?

I want to stop eating and break my body and sleep for hours and hours and hours and days.

I feel this black hole in me and I'm so sick of this feeling. Also my friend in history class is really sweet but I don't want to talk to people because then I just cry and god I am a pest.


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