Monday, December 7, 2009


1. I didn't mean to imply that my sister isn't really ever sad or depressed, or that her feelings are more shallow than mine. I just meant that the level of concern for her was higher and that made me feel worse. Also, she is a great sister and I talked to her a bit yesterday and at least now I have a little more will to go on - it is like her talking to me gave me an extra spurt of juice that I really, really needed for the day. I probably wouldn't have woken up in the morning on time without her, I would have been too depressed to care about getting to school.

2. She said something about her friend about the "unnameable, vague weight" holding her back. That is basically what I feel.

3. But also empty. So both nonexistent and heavier than anything. This doesn't make sense. My feelings are clearly paradoxical bullshit.

4. I like music. If I listen to it all the time, I'll be happy! Right? I made a ton of mixes. They are good. If I had readers, I would share them with you. (This blog is mental masturbation. It is an interaction with myself only. That is okay though.)

5. I don't know if I want to exist more or less but this is not a nice in between stage.

Current Mix:
A History Of Lovers Iron & Wine
Story Of Isaac (Leonard Cohen) Mirah & The Black Cat Orchestra
The Mariner's Revenge Song The Decemberists
The Sun Goes Down and the World Goes Dancing Magnetic Fields
King Of Carrot Flowers Part 1 Neutral Milk Hotel
Clark Gable The Postal Service
Mary Ann regina spektor
Fairytale Sara Bareilles
Celebration Guns Stars
John Wayne Gacy, Jr. Sufjan Stevens
Failure Laura Marling
Wet Blanket Metric
Margaret vs. Pauline Neko Case
Ride Liz Phair
Ha Ha Mates Of State
Hello Resolven Beulah


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